Whilst strolling 'round the harbor this morning, around 11 a.m., I
    noticed this character shouting "Allah be praised!" and "Death to
    all infidels!"
    Suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.
    He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he
    was carrying.  If he didn't get help he would surely drown.
    Being a responsible American citizen, and abiding by the law of
    the land, which demands you help those in distress, I informed the
    Police, the Coast Guard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire
    Department.
    It is now 4 p.m., the terrorist has drowned and none of the
    authorities have yet responded.
    I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps.